attention: state of new jersey

so i'm going through another dui, no big deal right? 2-90 days in county, 2 years loss of license, $3000 in surcharges, another $3500 in attorney fees, fuck it. i'd take care of this, no problem but the problem here is that i am a college graduate that can not get a descent job because i am labeled a "criminal" on paper. for what? for trying to get high a few years ago? i am not a criminal by any means, i used, yes. now i am getting fucked out of every job i am offered because i am a "criminal" on paper. these incidents are not related to each other in any way, except that because i got a fucked up charge over some petty shit, i can't really afford to pay this dui off - i can't get a 'real' job. i'm stuck making about $200/week in NJ, which is basically enough money for fast food for the week. i really just wanted to get off my 3 year probation period, graduate, and get the fuck out of this country for a while, but now i'm stuck in court again. i realize that this is 100% my fault but the debts that i have paid to society for doing absolutely nothing to anyone the past two times i been through it got me fed up. as far as i'm concerned i'm paid in full. besides all the fines, time spent in court, rehabs, stress (being charged 5-10 years initially for trying to get high), fines, and giving the state my car as part of my plea bargain, i am really fucking fed up. so the question i'm posing is: does the state of new jersey really want to fuck me like this? because i am inherently a good person, but i am stuck at a job where i make enough money for nothing and all i want to do is leave this country. i'm labeled a "criminal" on paper and am not given a fair chance by anyone, so i feel like i might as well be a criminal. you really want to make your $1000/year, fine by me. but i feel like i might have to start feeding guns to people on the street and taking their wallets to really be the man you make me out to be. that or start selling heroin to kids. it's basically up to the you - state of nj. i can't afford this. i can't live my life like this. i've been doing the right thing for 4 years now, and i haven't been given anything. so fuck it. crime pays. or so i been told. see you in court.

don't use drugs.

let drugs use you.

i chose to make a blog so sonia could follow my thoughts, which i think she will read one or two posts before she stops. we will see. it's christmas eve and me and faye have been talking about me missing part of my finger, down syndrome snowmen, giving coal out for christmas, fat people and potato products, and all sorts of random shit. someday someone smart will discover this blog and decide that i am a complete idiot. hats off to you stranger. i could have told you that a long time ago.